Breaking News: Philadelphia Set Voting Record

Philadelphia, PA– Philadelphia today saw the most votes cast in the city’s history as measured by percentage and raw numbers.  Oddly enough, only about 4,000 people actually showed up at polling places to cast votes.

"It was remarkably efficient," said Philly Mayor Nutter (D).  "We managed to break voting records without forcing people to leave work early or find the polling places.  This is a model for the country."

For the numbers, 127 percent of the eligible voters were represented in the final number, and nearly 1,800,000 votes cast. 

The 4,000 voters were exhausted by the time polls closed.  "The early voting helped a lot," said Malcolm Evers, a 22-year-old man who described himself as a "community organizer." 

Evers and his fellow voters cast all 1.8 million votes.  Since they had filled out the ballots well in advance of election day, today’s efforts involved only stuffing the ballots into the slot.

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Published by: bhennessy

Bill Hennessy is co-founder of St. Louis Tea Party Coalition, expert in persuasive design and marketing, and author of three books, including The Conservative Manifesto (1993) and Zen Conservatism (2009)

Categories Election Results, Satire1 Comment

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